There is a balance to achieve when communicating in difficult situations if the goal is satisfactory outcomes. Applying the right pull to push is challenging, too much of one or the other may result in inertia. Positions become locked-in and immoveable or so loose they have no teeth to gain traction, either way nothing moves.
What Now? Alzheimer’s?
“What do we do now?” Joyce echoed her sister Irene’s musing as they sat on lawn chairs in their parent’s backyard. Still trying to regroup from an unpleasant conversation with their aged mother they had temporarily retreated to the garden with a bottle of wine.
But that was the question they came to Elliott Lake to resolve with their father. Mum’s declining mental state was a growing concern. She had balked when the three of them challenged her failing memories becoming defensive and then upset. That wasn’t the hoped for outcome. They thought to convince her to get assessed by her doctor.
“We may have done this wrong,” Joyce offered next.
Irene looked at her sister but Joyce’s thoughts were far away as if trying to remember something. “I’ll be right back; I want to show you something.” She put down her wineglass and walked across the lawn.
Curious to see what her sister was up to Irene watched Joyce’s retreat to the house. At the glass sliding door Joyce paused and peeked into the kitchen before entering.
“Coast must be clear,” Irene surmised as her sister slipped into the kitchen. Clearly Mum wasn’t in sight.
Moments later Joyce returned and tossed a glossy flyer on Irene’s lap. “I picked this up last week.” It was a pamphlet from the Alzheimer’s Society.
“The seniors group at church sponsored an information night. Now, I’m not saying Mum has Alzheimer’s but we don’t know, do we?”
While Irene read the pamphlet Joyce sipped her wine taking in the expanse of her mother’s garden. It still had hidden grace in spite of the overgrowth, splashes of colour thrust through the ever thickening weeds, the flowers seeming to insist on their right to flourish even in a difficult environment. Mum had always been so careful, tending to her garden had been a passion. It saddened Joyce to see its current struggle.
When Irene’s head rose from the pamphlet signaling she had finished reading Joyce knew what she wanted to say.
“I think we didn’t approach Mum in the right way. Those communication points they mention,” she waved to the brochure resting on Irene’s lap. “We didn’t do that. And I read the pamphlet last week but didn’t remember any of it before we talked to Mum. I bet she felt we were ganging up.”
Irene nodded, “Yeah, I agree. It looks like we should have started with asking how she’s been feeling and got her to talk first, and not just jumped in to tell her the things she does wrong.”
The pamphlet cited ways on how to best communicate with someone in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Although their mother’s condition remained undiagnosed, the pamphlet offered common sense advice. There was a fine balance of push and pull to apply in communicating with a person experiencing mental challenges.
“I never imagined this day,” Irene’s eyes shined glassy with unshed tears. “Always Mum was strong and knew what to do. It’s our turn now.”
To be continued (refer next post).
Has tension challenged you to look for alternate responses?
Read more on Dementia Communication Tips: http://www.alz.org/care/dementia-communication-tips.asp