Purging Perceptions
The decision to break down our walls of boxed perceptions–those pre-conceived notions that skew thinking–can lead to discomfort. 
We are lost without a framework and like a survivor of a sunken ship cling to wreckage to stay afloat. Will the current move out to sea or to shore and safety? We don’t know what to think. These are unfamiliar waters.
When we land, we will have to start fresh; to see old things in new light, but how?
A scientific stance may be the way, by assuming a clinical air somewhat removed and dispassionate. By not allowing distracting characteristics to rile, annoy or grate perhaps they become pathways, of sorts, to deeper understanding. A doctor follows a trail of symptoms that provides clues to what ails a patient. We, too, can take our cues from evidence before us.
Distinct symptoms such as a bright, itchy rash or the invisible flip-flop in the middle of a chest cavity are clues to unique causes. As are the behaviors exhibited by troubling people between the spectrums of loud and aggressive to passive and internal but just as annoying, each condition has a reason and a source. Once understood and a right 
treatment determined meaningful relating begins. We move not against the current but with it.
Rather than relate to another from our limited framework we now try to relate within the others. Behavior once deemed annoying and drove us crazy we now see as unique and distinct.
The others’ uniqueness plays a role for us we may not have realized is necessary. 
Before, when we tried to compress that person into a simple framework, the resulting frustration was like forcing a square peg into a round hole, it did not fit. Now the fit is a puzzle piece, with a satisfying click it snaps into place. The picture makes sense as it broadens.
The Broad Picture of Compromise
There was a university student who thought politeness important. An agreeable young woman confrontation made her uncomfortable.
“It’s important to compromise and work things out.” She told herself.
She got along well with the other employees at the restaurant where she worked part-time.
But there are those who mis-judge good natures. Willingness to get along sometimes gets mis-perceived as weakness and not as a deliberate choice, such the mistake of the woman’s colleague.
The agreeable young woman would sometimes skip lunch break and continue to serve customers. She didn’t receive the hourly wage but there were the customer tips; money being tight working through the break helped.
On a busy day the young woman’s feet hurt, forgoing the extra tips she decided to take her break. As soon as the last table cleared out, she would sit and have something to eat.
Sharon was also a university student working part-time as a waitress in the restaurant dining room. Between serving customers she talked to the other waitresses about a summer top noticed and admired in a local shop. The restaurant located inside a large mall was convenient for break-time shopping but Sharon had already taken her break.
After returning from a customer Sharon curtly said to the young woman, “Here are my orders,” and shoved the order note pad into the young woman’s hands.
This baffled the young woman. Why was Sharon giving over her food orders?
“I’m going shopping,” she responded to the young woman’s puzzled look. “I saw this blouse I want to buy and you always work through your break.”
She gestured towards a cluster of seated patrons, “So, you can cover my tables over there.”
The presumption caught the young woman off guard. Tired she didn’t want to say yes, but to respond as direct and in-your-face as Sharon was bad form.
Sharon’s behavior observed when picked up from work by her family or boy friend was embarrassing. The spoiled and badgering way Sharon talked to them with no kick back was telling–she got her way often. Her lifestyle appeared privileged. Although the same age the young woman thought Sharon let herself down; rude and demanding she didn’t see how it looked to others.
Uncomfortable and feeling awkward the young woman inhaled. Colour infused her cheeks.
“Thanks, I could use the extra tips but I’m tired today. I am taking my break.” She handed back the order note pad.
“Oh.” It was Sharon’s turn for surprise. She walked away without another word.
Later the young woman realized that compromise is not always the best answer. Sharon had assumed because of her pleasant and open manners she wouldn’t challenge the dumping of her customer load. She didn’t understand those pleasant and open manners as deliberate choices she made every day. They were not a natural default and programmed into her DNA.
The young woman also understood that Sharon’s self-centered attitude had been a challenge that activated a part of her person she did not generally allow to prevail. A framework of compromise and polite getting along did not a fit this circumstance.
Essential to her and Sharon was the way she responded. In saying no she preserved self-respect–both hers and Sharon’s. There is no sense of self-worth when one person takes advantage of another and even less if she had allowed it to happen to herself. No one walks away whole and good.
And maybe next time Sharon would break from her pre-conceived notions and on this torn frame float safely to shore.
To be continued (refer next post).
Have your pre-conceptions ever led you to take advantage of or misunderstand someone or vice versus?