Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust*
I can hardly believe it. She is beautiful and only twenty-four. The other day I noticed three of her wedding photos sitting on my daughter’s bedroom dresser. The pictures included her – the bride – with my daughter, one of many bridesmaids, in various poses or with other wedding party members. The faces are all so young, so vibrant – full of joy and bursting with life. I smile and remember all the antics described at last summer’s wedding – such a close group of friends.
If you didn’t know the bride you would never guess she was fighting for her life. At the time of the wedding she was half way through a two-year prognosis; cancer turning her own body against her. She doesn’t look as well now.
Recently, while home from university during Reading Week my daughter visited her newlywed friend who wasn’t on break because she stopped going to school.
Her friend uses a cane now. In the latest visit to the hospital the medical staffs also recommend other props to help with daily living, like a stool in the shower. And oh yes, a little down the road they said she will need a walker before she progresses to a wheelchair. This was the update my daughter shared with me after her visit.
I couldn’t help it – I cried.
How is it a twenty-four year old has only a wheelchair to look forward to?
The young woman thinks the assists are good ideas – they will help with daily living and she agrees she needs them. Pain management isn’t the only thing to cope with, there are mobility issues too. But her mother and grandmother can’t see why she needs all this stuff. I don’t want to believe it either so how much more difficult for those who have loved and nurtured her from birth.
I sense from my daughter’s description her young friend is arriving at a place of acceptance – she is going to die and she knows it. Her mortality is staring her in the face.
As for the rest of us we are having a hard time with this truth. Perhaps it is because we have not yet stared into the eyes of our own deaths. In not accepting ours, and we are much older, can we accept that which is even more inconceivable? As if to admit it, it will come true. But whether we admit it or not, it still comes true.
Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return **
Today is Ash Wednesday. For most main stream Christian churches it is the herald of the beginning of Lent, six weeks of reflection, prayer, fasting and spiritual discipline anticipating Good Friday and Easter Sunday. In Ash Wednesday services worshiper’s foreheads get marked in ash with the sign of a cross – a symbol that identifies that person with Jesus Christ. And in that Jesus died so too is this a reminder of our own mortality
In the Old Testament dust and ashes were often used as symbols for repentance and mourning (2 Samuel 13:19; Esther 4:1; Job 2:8; Daniel 9:3). Today, Ash Wednesday services help observers to acknowledge the pain of death and the separation it brings to our relationships. Whether physical, mental, emotional or spiritual death – symbolically offered is an opportunity to mourn the many deaths experienced through a lifetime – those we have caused to others and those we have received through lazy, unkind, selfish or hateful thoughts, words and deeds.
To mourn our losses is to move towards reconciling those things that separate us from God and each other. Ash Wednesday is a time that reminds us we are never alone in this journey. Christ walked the same path as have many others.
Marked foreheads wearing ash as a symbol of death – a cross of crucifixion – have at their essence the ingredients for new life and hope. Whole forests consumed by flame leave acres of Black Death but given time it is a rich base for new growth.
As we face our own mortality and walk towards the grave of our lives let us be kind and sympathetic to each other, along the way gently provide assistance over the bumps, and offer companionship to the end of hope and encouragement to the beginning of hope.
We share in life, so too, we share in death.
*A phrase from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer burial service.
**Words repeated during the imposing of ashes to an observer’s forehead during an Ash Wednesday service
For more information on Ash Wednesday:
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/markdroberts/series/ash-wednesday-practice-and-meaning/
Thank you for this – it helped especially with my daughter-in-law’s recent death.
Went to Holy Family today for the noon Ash Wednesday service.
An especially sad time for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.